Damaged Goods

I think to say we are all, on some level, a little self conscious is a fair statement. Be it weight issues, hair falling out, small chest, body hair, freckles, a wonky eye, jacked up teeth, being poor, etc. etc. The list goes on and on. For me, I always thought, when I was younger, that I was a bigger boy. Not necessarily 'fat', but stocky. I was on just about every sports team there was, including football, you don't want to be a twig playing football, but I was also... gay. Not that weight stigmas don't exist in the heterosexual community but I think when it comes to gay people, the weight issue for most, is exacerbated in all its superficiality. So when I was old enough to go to the bars or dance clubs I never had the courage to go up and talk to people, let alone get up and dance with someone, unless it was a girl. I was pretty shy when it came to dating, though had I thought up the idea to meet people by cooking them dinner via an ad they read on craigslist - I may have built up my courage at an earlier age.

Be that as it may, I did my somewhat fair share of dating when I was in high school and college, but quickly grew disenchanted with the superficiality that seemed to trail the gay scene. So I focused on work, and at the time, the color guards I was working with. They became so encompassing of my time I convinced myself I was too busy to have a relationship. Even though deep down it was something I was longing for. The funny thing is, when I started my last employ, I was giving what turned out to be pretty good advice to a friend who was in a relationship that was on a slow track to nowhere, when deep down I could see she had feelings for this friend she swore she didn't like in that capacity. She dumped slow poke and has been dating the friend ever since. Am I an oracle? I think so...

With all that being said, when I got sick the last thing on my mind was dating. Afterall, I was going to be lucky to even go home, so why would I want to try to find someone who I couldn't even go on a date with unless he wanted to come share a hot meal sponsored by the Grandview Hospital Cafe'(teria)...