My parents reaction was not positive, and it took a long time for things to even return to a fraction of the normal they were before they found out. To make it quick - I, obviously, didn't "come out" in the traditional sense. I had been dating a guy for a very short period of time and he had written me a, for lack of better term, love note. In the note, he said that he enjoyed kissing me and that he hoped our relationship progressed further and signed it "love, Tommy". Obviously no parent wants to hear their child is sexually active at 17 no matter what 'type' of sex it is. But this note was neatly tucked away in my car which my mother proceeded to snoop around in and eventually discovered. She confronted me with the note and demanded to know if "this" was what I wanted. This meaning, this lifestyle. My internal answer was 'yes', but I quiveringly blurted out 'i dont know'. So after several family counseling sessions I essentially garnered up the courage to just say that, yes indeed this is the path I've chosen and it is what it is. The reaction, while not as gruff was simply "while we might not approve of your livestyle, we can learn to accept it".
I have never told my parents of any of my relationships - ever. I make it plural making it sound like there are so many to really talk about. The truth is, while I wasn't embarrassed, it was more just like the elephant in the room that I'd rather not talk about to make them uncomfortable - even though at times I just wanted to be honest with them and introduce them to my friends, a few of which meant a little more than 'friend'.
FASTFORWARD....
It's no secret that Andrew and I are seeing one another. Im not embarrassed by it, in fact Im quite proud to be with him. He is unapologetic for who he is, and the lifestyle he lives. We go out in public together, we hold hands, we hug and bump into each other. We sit closely on a park bench and share ice cream, we lean on each other and even the occasional kiss. Its not flaunting a lifestyle per se' its being so comfortable with who you are and the person you're with that despite the looks some may give. Besides heterosexual couples do those things, so why can't I?
Life certainly has dealt him a few bad hands though and through his own strengths he's been able to brush them off and keep moving on. He's loyal to a fault and he is someone I look at and wish I could be more like, truth be told. So he decided a few weeks ago that he wanted to see a guest speaker that was coming to his former church in Celina and asked if I would like to attend and if I would be interested in meeting his parents. Of course I said yes. So a few days before we were to travel north he met with his mom and dad at separate instances and posed the following statement/question. "Mom/Dad, you know that I've been dating someone for a while now, and Im really happy. I was curious if you would be interested in meeting this someone ". He seemed so self assured that his parents were going to be willing to meet me and that they would be, in essence, extending the olive branch to him accepting his lifestyle - as his coming out was not as enjoyable either. Sadly, the response he received from his parents was not of acceptance, it was of declination and un-interest with a side of reaffirmation that his lifestyle was unacceptable. Though his mothers excuse was that it was just too soon. It goes without saying he was upset to say the least.
Upon hearing this, I said to him simply - "give them time... they'll come around".
For the longest time my parents thought that me being gay was probably the worst thing about me. Not that D I landed in high school latin, or having a credit card bill sky high... yes, that I was gay. It took me almost dying for them to realize that being gay is okay. That there were worse things that could happen to me than dating a guy, and those worse things did happen to me and frankly still happen. Being gay doesn't make me a second class citizen, and most importantly over time I think they realized that even though they had another label to equate with "Ryan" it was one that went right along side "funny, warm, son, caring, driven... etc." Just another part of me. Its what had all along made me. And I don't think that Drew's parents are to that point yet, but I have faith they will. Because the truth is, those two people, who I did not get the pleasure of meeting this weekend, are behind the great guy I get to tightly hold in my arms. They made him who he is and I wouldn't change one thing about him. One day I'll meet them, and on that day I'll wear the same smile I wore when I met his sister and her children and offer them the same handshake and hug I offered his sister.
Somewhere along the line I think being a 'free thinker' became a bad thing - and its not. Just because some book says somewhere that two dudes shouldn't lay together doesn't negate that those two dudes laying together don't care for each other.
I care about Drew, and I know he cares about me. I trust him, and I know he trusts me. He accepts my flaws, and I accept his. But most importantly he makes me happy, and I know I make him happy.
So despite what his parents say outloud, or even mine for that matter, their knowledge of his happiness has to make them on some level... happy... so own it!
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