14,191,200 minutes old

On October 1, 2010 I'll be celebrating my 27th birthday. A little secret I've never told anyone (not even Lauren) is that when I first was diagnosed and didn't think that I would have much time left, I started setting little goal dates in my iCal that I wanted to get to.  Oddly enough, when I scrolled back through my iCal nearly two years ago, they are still there.  Little things, like making it to Christmas, being able to go to Lauren's birthday party, Going to the Ryle Band Banquet, going to the premier of the Star Trek movie... (dont judge me, it was a very good movie that I happened to enjoy and am equally just as excited about the sequel, because my other boyfriend, Zachary Quinto is in it) 
The dates go on and on and in my mind I had decided if my health could only hold out til then, I would be okay with whatever happened. And as they passed on, I had to keep adding them.  Do I still do it?  Thats for me to know...


But two years ago, my 27th birthday was a day I never thought I would be around see.  To be frankly honest, I wasn't confident if I would see my 26th birthday.  Be that as it may, thankfully, here we are nonetheless and as my birthday approached I realized, courtesy of Facebook, all 300+ of my friends would be notified that yes indeed... today was indeed Ryan Aubin's birthday. 

I think the typical response is to put in your status the day following how you want to thank all the people who sent nice birthday wishes.  It's sort of an impersonal and lackluster way to get the message across but, alas, thats how some people say thanks and lets be honest - its better than nothing. 

I got to thinking about how I didn't want to do that, so instead I was going to write this blog entry and dedicate it to anyone who wished me a happy 27th birthday. 

I can say that I know virtually all 300 of my friends... give or take the few random people who I sometimes say "who the hell is that"... but they are far and few between, but if you are one of those people and are reading this, no really, who the hell are you? 

So this is what I want to say in response to your birthday message...To whoever you are, please know this... 

The past two years of my life have been anything fun, they have been filled with more pain, disappointment and heartache than I care to even mention.  There were days when I felt forgotten, that I would not recover, that I wouldn't lead a normal life ever again.  There were days when I thought hope was lost. 

One day, shortly after my diagnosis, I started getting messages, phone calls and emails all wishing me well but to be honest, I didn't quite know how to respond so I just decided not to. I was quickly shocked at the amount of people that cared enough to send me even the smallest note.   It was you thinking about me that helped give me the strength to continue my quest to beat what I have.  You remembered me, which meant I wasn't forgotten and more importantly, I was cared about.  

We may talk every day, we might talk only once in a while, we might only exchange a 'poke' every once in a great while... You helped me get to 27.  I've learned a lot about myself this year, cast some of my biggest fears to the wayside, and gained something I thought I'd never be able to have.    

It is you, all of you, who continually give me the courage to get up and live not acrimoniously, but to live happy, live to the fullest, and with great thanks it is you who reminded me

Life isn't about running from the storm, 

rather,

 It's about learning to dance in the rain... 

So on my 27th birthday,

As you wish me yet again, another happy birthday, please realize you've already given me the best gift you could... 

... hope...


(and hopefully an iPad) 

I owe you one!

(But if you need a mailing address to send that iPad you bought me... please let me know)