I was so tired today... I took Jake to school this morning after waking him up around 6:45 to get a shower, and after getting home for some reason I just wasn't able to fall back asleep, so I spent the day awake. I crawled into bed around 10:45 tonight and slipped off to sleep. For some reason I woke up with this sinking feeling in my stomach around 1:30 and just couldn't shake it. So after chalking it up to being really tired and my pills kicking in I opened up my computer and got on facebook to check a notification I had.
I was making arrangements with Donna to potentially come visit her the weekend after next and with that in mind decided I would hop on over to my friend Andrews facebook to see if he would like to meet up for a late lunch early dinner on either day I come home or go up to Cleveland.
I met Andrew about two years ago while I was an inpatient at The James the second time. My family didn't stay as late into the evening as they did before so I spent many nights alone and bored. Andrew was an a friend I had only met once prior to me being at The James, but regardless we were both computer dorks so we kept in touch. When I told him I was in columbus as an inpatient he offered many nights to come bring me dinner and sit with me and hang out to keep me company.
Andrew would make me feel like my closest friends would... normal. I knew I looked awful, and he couldn't have cared less what my physical appearance was. He never probed any questions about my health, but if I talked about it, he listened. It was then I knew he was a real worth while friend and we had kept in contact, having the occasional lunch / dinner in Columbus and chatting online about our nerdy topics regularly.
Then I got online tonight... before I could even begin to write my note to him on his wall, my jaw hit the ground, my pulse began to race and my eyes started to fill, uncontrollably, with tears.
Andrew had passed away earlier this evening in his apartment, from what is thought to be natural causes, without anyone with him.
I am so surprised this happened, and Im saddened. Im sad he is gone and sad for his family and friends. More so I am sad that such a kind soul is gone too soon, sad that such a bright smile that was always on display is gone, sad that a gentle voice has been silenced.
No one knows when their time will come to leave and it has always been my fervent belief that because of this you should always live like today is your last, to have no hate in your heart, and to have no regrets. I know when Andrew took his last breath tonight he didn't have any anger in his heart or any regrets on his mind.
It is in moments like these, that solidify why I live my life the way I do. I don't have any regrets or any anger, nor do I ever want any. I've certainly had my chances, even as of late, to be bitter, pick petty fights and argue... but I can't. You don't have to love me, you don't have to like me and to be honest you don't even have to acknowledge me... but life is too finite for me to do anything but love you for who you are, faults and all. I think we'd all live happier lives if we could just accept a mindset of that nature.
All that negativity does one thing, and it is to distract you from living your life as happily as you can. I can think of no bigger regret than to pass away having said something hurtful, done something hurtful or not telling someone how much they really mean to me. If Andrews death means anything to me personally, it is that I should be grateful for where I am and who I am here with. Im surrounded by people who care about me and love me, sadly I lost one of those people today.
The world lost a kind and gentle soul today, a soul who truly knew and embraced how to dance in the rain, and though he isn't here to talk to anymore he'll always have a special place in my heart.
So here's to you Andrew, dance away...
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