Lifes been good!

So this will probably be a more brief entry as its getting kind of late.

I think I might boil this down into just a few bullet points to save time...

- I am so glad I didn't sacrifice myself, who i was at the core, for the guy i was dating.  Who turned out to be, oddly enough, the person he professed he hated the most - A lying, backstabbing, manipulative user who was only interested in the superficial.  Ridding my life of that not only freed up my checkbook but it proved I have the emotional wherewithal to stand firm in my beliefs and not just let them go at the drop of a hat

- I apologized to the guy I was dating before Greg - Andrew, for the terrible mistake I made in breaking up with him.  Do I know if we are perfect for each other?  No - but I do know we never fought and I only have memories that contain smiles.  To me, the smiles are what life is about and if you don't cause me to smile or vice versa - our time together will be very limited.   The moral though with Andrew was, I should have never broken it off the way I did - my judgement was clouded from some guy who was showing me someone who he really wasn't and I made a severe lapse in judgement, and I listened to someone else rather than listening to myself.  Not a day went by that I didn't feel bad for what I did... the fact he forgave me was like a huge weight lifting off my shoulders.

- By getting the 'bad' out of my life, and more so the want of having the 'bad' out of my life for so long, has made having it gone even more rewarding.  Im so happy... I feel so calm and back at peace.  I never lost sight of what was important to me, who truly cared and what i had to be grateful for... but it was hard when the 'bad' in my life was trying to change me, tell me who 'i was' was essentially unacceptable.

I watched an old Oprah show for some reason today, and only caught about 5 minutes of it - but in it she said... "Love means never having to say 'sorry'". It must have been a sign that I catch that blurb because I had an 'aha' moment that just instantly made me feel better.  The 'bad' in my life made me say I was sorry (even though i might have not meant it teehee) and he said he was sorry all the time for the things he said... So he didn't care for me, didnt like me and certainly didn't love me.   I didnt need 'bad' in my life, and I was glad to see him go - but knowing he didnt love me for some reason just made me feel good.

He loved my checkbook, my debit card, my credit card, my open schedule and most of all my car.   Hes a gifted story teller, and happens to have a busy calendar - though your schedule doesnt mean much ...

It was for too long about the give and take... I kept giving - financially, emotionally mentally... and he took... and took... and took some more.

With everything I have been through in the past almost 3 years now... I can say this - for sure...

The 'bad' in my life put my through more mental anguish, and torment... made me jump through hoops galore, mentally harassed me and mentally abused me - more so than anything I've dealt with regarding my illness.

And thats saying something

Be that as it may - theres no need to dwell on the past and the negative. He has growing up to do, maturing to figure out... and the truth is - he'll probably abuse more people like he abused me and the ones before me - before realizing... you can't continue to live like this.  The constant victim mentality is not attractive, the overwhelming sense of drama that encompasses your life is not to be praised - its to be discarded and moved on from.

But for today... I am happy

I always am ;-)