Sometimes people think it's odd that I can say how fortunate I am, or how blessed I am given my condition but if you've read any of my previous blogs you could probably gather that I have way too much to be grateful for than to sit and dwell on the negativity...
With that, it's no secret I consider my caregivers to be my life savers and there are certain ones who I wholeheartedly equate, without a shadow of doubt, singlehandedly saving my life. Obviously, Dr. Nanda is first and foremost, but behind the scenes is someone else who I've probably not mentioned as much, but has been more of a constant in my treatment than even Dr. Nanda. Her name is Kim... Kim the chemo nurse. I joked with Kim a few months ago by saying "You know Kim, its been two and a half years since we started dating" - and she laughed with surprise in her voice not realizing that she and I had been fighting for me in excess of 28 months.
I remember the first time I met Kim... It was at Grandview, when I had only been diagnosed for about two days. I knew at some point there would be a person coming in to administer this drug. I didn't know what it looked like, I didn't know what it felt like and I didn't know what was going to happen to me. The only thing I knew was how scared I was inside and felt like I couldn't tell anyone because I had put my family and the few friends who knew what was going on, through enough. This was one of those times when I kept up my happy facade for the sake of everyone else I suppose.
It was dark, probably around 5:30pm on a bitterly cold December evening when I heard the knock at the door accompanied by a faint voice in the distance asking "Ryan?" Kim came in the door with the bag of chemotherapy already drawn up, but I didn't notice it because she had this warm, inviting smile across her face which, for whatever reason, put me at ease. She didn't just hook up the medicine and let me sit there to ponder what was happening, no. No, so she pulled a chair up and asked if I had ever had chemo before and after I responded that I hadn't and that I was honestly rather scared, she told me how the process worked. First with the premeds, then the delivery of the actual chemotherapy and then what potential side effects could happen within the following days.
We sat and talked for a while, and I felt myself getting tired from the premeds and I said to her "I feel tired, you don't have to stay with me - when the infusion completes and the alarm goes off I can call my nurse" and then I dozed off...
I woke up when the alarm was sounding and Kim was standing there unhooking everything, and she patted me on the shoulder and said "I decided to stay and keep you company... You did well, and everything is going to be okay"
She finished up gathering her things and wished me pleasant dreams before leaving that first night. That first night was the first of many times I've seen Kim. I've relied on Kim a lot over the past 28 months. She has helped me with appointments and filling prescriptions as well as administering my chemotherapy but she also helped me remember that I was still me, I was still a person with feelings and that I mattered. She visited me when I was an inpatient at Grandview - just because she wanted to. There is only one other person who has visited me when they weren't on their rounds, and that was Dr. Nanda.
The two of them, Dr. Nanda and Kim are my heroes. I don't know what my life would be like today without them but sadly Kim left Grandview this past week to take another position at the main Oncology office at Kettering and in a matter of weeks, when Dr. Nanda finishes her fellowship - she will follow Kim out of Grandview. Luckily for me, though I said goodbye to Kim this week, Dr. Nanda has fought and fought to get me into the Kettering office because she cares about me so much. So the goodbye to Kim will be short lived.
I guess it is true what they say about first impressions, you only get one. Kim didn't waste her's and it has stayed with me ever since. I don't know if she remembers what happened that first night, or if it was just her being herself but either way, I noticed and it mattered. So Kim, thank you - and I won't say goodbye, I'll just say...
... Until we meet again
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