Lake Cumberland is like my little slice of heaven. The cabin is nestled away from the worries of everyday life and its almost as though time just stands still when you are there. The running joke from everyone that lives and vacations there is "What time is it?" ... "Uh... lake time?!". You really have no where to be at no specific time. This is the first year we purchased a slip for our boat at the big fancy shmancy marina, Wolf Creek Marina (WCM)... and it has made the lake even more awesome for me because now I can go down to the cabin and the boat is just sitting there waiting for me. I love going there, but what I love even more is sharing the opportunity with my closest friends...
Case in point...
One of my closest friends, Emily, lives in Washington D.C. and as such we don't see each other as often as we'd like anymore. She and I have grown up together, though two years older than I, we both went to the same grade school and high school and we really got close during band and guard. She is a lot like me in some aspects and there are some aspects I wish I was more like her. She has been a constant in my life since I've been sick, and I have been very lucky to be able to continue to call her my friend.
In any event - about 5 or 6 years ago, Emily, Lauren, my friend Heather and I all carted off to the lake for a great weekend together... and that was the last time Emily had gone as she moved to D.C. shortly after she returned home. I really wondered if she would ever be able to make another trip to the lake as she doesn't live in the mid-west anymore and to do so would require her to make a special trip out of it. So I added this reunion idea to my 'bucket list' when I got sick and didn't really push it. Through some kind of miracle, and that miracle being Emily's spontaneous attitude, she decided to fly home and come to the lake with me... A few phone calls later and I had a the reunion group scheduled to all meet in Jabez KY on the 22nd of July. I was beyond excited.
Its a very rare occasion when I can get my closest friends together because they have all started their lives and careers and for most of them, that means leaving Dayton. I'm not trying to have a sob story or a pity party, its just a fact of life, and I know had I not gotten sick, I would have done the same. But to have everyone here for these few days meant the world.
To make a long story short - it was my favorite trip to the lake in 4 or 5 years and as an aside, made the most wonderful memories. It was one of those vacations that was over in a hot second. I do not like to live in the past and generally when I look at old photos or think about times gone by, I get a little choked up thinking about what once was and knowing I won't have that again. But it is one of those "choked ups" that only lasts for a second because I realize how fortunate I am to have those memories and know that the people I shared the experience with also has those memories.
So while vacation was over way too quickly, I realized I have a whole boat load full of new memories and experiences that not only I can look back on, but so can my friends.
And... the truth is....
I miss my friends... a lot...
I would be remiss to say there aren't times when I feel very much alone in Dayton and rightfully so, virtually all my friends have moved away to start their family and/or careers. It sounds selfish to say I want them to come home but its true. Of course the reason I feel this way is because I know life happens, and people grow apart. Im not naive enough to think we can all live in our high school days, but sometimes it's almost like thats what I want. But the bigger fear, as ridiculous as this sounds, is the fear of being forgotten. I know my friends very very well. Im actually very lucky because I don't have a best friend and then friends, I have my best friends and fortunately for me I know they would never just forget about me but there are times when I will remember talking to them every day, or going out for drinks every weekend etc. and then compare it to today when I hear from some of them once a week, once every 2 weeks, once a month. Then the whole forgotten thing takes a more narcissistic turn with the biggest fear - and that being the fear of being forgotten when Im gone.
I would certainly hope my friends never forget about me once I am gone, because I think about them so very often and realize what kind of an impact they have had on my life, and the support they have given me and how my gratitude could never fully be displayed to them. I used to get a little sad when I would think about this every so often and then I realized even after I'm gone, the memories that we have shared together will live on in my friends and family too of course. But that is just like a little piece of me staying alive in them. Knowing that, makes me feel better firstly, but secondly makes me want to create as many memories as possible with them so they have a library full of fantastic memories to share with whomever, be it their spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, child, friend etc...
This might sound strange but the point of this blog entry is because of a dream I had long ago. It was around the time I started worrying about being forgotten and how I wanted to be remembered. It was right after I was diagnosed and had decided rather than throw pity parties for my self, I instead was going to make a concerted effort to live a better life, be grateful for everything and everyone I have in my life and see the good in people that I this dream... In the dream I've obviously been gone for a while and this child enters Laurens bedroom as she is laying in bed and the child says to Lauren "mommy who is this in all these pictures with you"... and Lauren sits up and pulls the child up onto her lap and grabs this photo of she and I and says "This was my best friend and he lived an amazing life and not only was I apart of it, I can tell you all the stories of our adventures" ... (or something to that effect)
I love making the memories with my friends... They are priceless to me and I know the feeling goes both ways and any opportunity I have to spend time with them is a blessing and I don't waste it. Memories can't be lost, can't be stolen and can't break - they are the owners for life and can be accessed anytime! I'm so lucky to have the friends I do because even though we are miles apart, and we don't see each other everyday I know I still matter to them, and I know if I miss them I can meet them in my memories and share a laugh and I know they can do the same with me forever...
To my friends...
I love you... always!
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