14,191,200 minutes old

On October 1, 2010 I'll be celebrating my 27th birthday. A little secret I've never told anyone (not even Lauren) is that when I first was diagnosed and didn't think that I would have much time left, I started setting little goal dates in my iCal that I wanted to get to.  Oddly enough, when I scrolled back through my iCal nearly two years ago, they are still there.  Little things, like making it to Christmas, being able to go to Lauren's birthday party, Going to the Ryle Band Banquet, going to the premier of the Star Trek movie... (dont judge me, it was a very good movie that I happened to enjoy and am equally just as excited about the sequel, because my other boyfriend, Zachary Quinto is in it) 
The dates go on and on and in my mind I had decided if my health could only hold out til then, I would be okay with whatever happened. And as they passed on, I had to keep adding them.  Do I still do it?  Thats for me to know...


But two years ago, my 27th birthday was a day I never thought I would be around see.  To be frankly honest, I wasn't confident if I would see my 26th birthday.  Be that as it may, thankfully, here we are nonetheless and as my birthday approached I realized, courtesy of Facebook, all 300+ of my friends would be notified that yes indeed... today was indeed Ryan Aubin's birthday. 

I think the typical response is to put in your status the day following how you want to thank all the people who sent nice birthday wishes.  It's sort of an impersonal and lackluster way to get the message across but, alas, thats how some people say thanks and lets be honest - its better than nothing. 

I got to thinking about how I didn't want to do that, so instead I was going to write this blog entry and dedicate it to anyone who wished me a happy 27th birthday. 

I can say that I know virtually all 300 of my friends... give or take the few random people who I sometimes say "who the hell is that"... but they are far and few between, but if you are one of those people and are reading this, no really, who the hell are you? 

So this is what I want to say in response to your birthday message...To whoever you are, please know this... 

The past two years of my life have been anything fun, they have been filled with more pain, disappointment and heartache than I care to even mention.  There were days when I felt forgotten, that I would not recover, that I wouldn't lead a normal life ever again.  There were days when I thought hope was lost. 

One day, shortly after my diagnosis, I started getting messages, phone calls and emails all wishing me well but to be honest, I didn't quite know how to respond so I just decided not to. I was quickly shocked at the amount of people that cared enough to send me even the smallest note.   It was you thinking about me that helped give me the strength to continue my quest to beat what I have.  You remembered me, which meant I wasn't forgotten and more importantly, I was cared about.  

We may talk every day, we might talk only once in a while, we might only exchange a 'poke' every once in a great while... You helped me get to 27.  I've learned a lot about myself this year, cast some of my biggest fears to the wayside, and gained something I thought I'd never be able to have.    

It is you, all of you, who continually give me the courage to get up and live not acrimoniously, but to live happy, live to the fullest, and with great thanks it is you who reminded me

Life isn't about running from the storm, 

rather,

 It's about learning to dance in the rain... 

So on my 27th birthday,

As you wish me yet again, another happy birthday, please realize you've already given me the best gift you could... 

... hope...


(and hopefully an iPad) 

I owe you one!

(But if you need a mailing address to send that iPad you bought me... please let me know)

Is that for here, or to go?

So lately, there has been a lot of talk in the media about the death penalty in the United States.  From the constitutionality of it, to the drug company who manufactures Sodium Thiopental - the medicine that causes unconsciousness, to the first woman being executed in 100 years to the most bizzare, yet thought provoking article, the last meal.

Despite what your views are on capital punishment and its incantations across the planet  and its never ending quest to be more humane there is always that last meal which comes into play.

In Texas, for example, inmates are essentially free to choose whatever they can stomach within a set price limit of course, but be that as it may, can order whatever.  After all it is the last meal, they deserve it right?  Thats another debate...

In Virginia death row inmates are able to choose off the 28 day cycle menu the prison uses, and they can have any combination of items on it, as long as it originates from said menu.

So after reading, in a rather morbid curiosity, this article I started to think... What, if I knew my end was approaching for whatever reason, would I want to be my last meal?

I don't think I'll be consulting my weight watchers book for it, nor obeying the Atkins diet guidelines...

So what would it be?  What do I love to eat more than anything else in the whole world that I would like to eat one final time?  I sat and thought about it, and I actually changed my mind a few times.  Those of you that know me are familiar with my rather limited menu a choose off of anyway so its gotta be one of a few things right?

After deliberating I decided I would want my last meal to be...


A footlong chili-cheese dog, from The Root Beer Stande in Dayton
McMullen meatloaf with mashed potatoes - (thats a breakfast sausage/ground beef delicacy)
Simple italian pasta salad
An ice cold mug of A&W Root Beer
and as dessert ... A few mini corn dogs :-)

What would you choose?

Doesn't know, Doesn't Care

I really am not a political person and more importantly I don't force my political opinions on other people.  It might surprise some that my views on abortion are not those of the church, or for that matter, a lot of my friends.  But thats okay, because it's just my opinion and I'm entitled to it.  I really debated about whether I wanted to write about this and came to the conclusion after seeing how passionate Andrew is about the issue I would.

 I don't know much about Don't ask, Don't tell.   I know that it essentially makes it legal for the United States Military to effectively remove a soldier from a unit for the sole reason of being openly gay, or rather, him or herself.   I know that this policy is selective bigotry and the most simplest of forms.  I know that if a person decided he or she wanted to fight for my freedom I wouldn't tell that person it was okay as long as they were not gay, I would simply say thank you.  I know someone who wanted to be apart of the military and even started the whole process of joining the military but was removed once he announced his sexuality.  I know I kiss that someone, and hold his hand regularly.  I know he has more courage than I could ever have.  I know he and others like him have been grievously disserviced by the military.  Lastly, I know should there ever be a shortage of military men and women and we had to go back to a draft, I have a feeling the government might decide to look the other way when people say 'but Im gay'.

If someone has a problem serving in the military with a gay person, fine transfer that person out of the unit.   Afterall, its not the gay person who has the problem.  I thought I read an article online that discussed surveys being conducted within the branches of the military and while it was not overwhelmingly one way verses the other,  those who agreed with the statement "homosexuality is a non-issue" were significantly greater than those who disagreed.

My opinion, as small as it is and simple as it might be sometimes, just tells me that if a citizen of the US wants to throw on that uniform and go put their life in harms way for me to be able to have the freedoms that I do.  I say, why not?  I say, Thank you ...

So tomorrow we'll see what happens... Will the US rule this archaic, close minded regulation unconstitutional.  Will it recognize the selective bigotry it has been practicing for so long.  Can the US admit to making a mistake?

I care...

Entitled idiots...

Do you have someone in your life who acts as though because they are a citizen of life they are entitled to just about everything under the sun?   Someone who essentially wants everything for nothing?  A person who spends more time procrastinating about doing a task than the task would actually take?

These bottom feeding trolls, infuriate me more than you will know.  Since I have been sick I can't tell you how many times I've had people tell me they wish they could get a 'free check' from the government and be  on a permanent vacation.  I wish I was lying when I say that.  I, in no way glorify my situation, first and foremost.  I chose to make lighthearted comments about my illness, in truth, because of my own insecurities about the future and the unknown, but additionally Im not afraid to talk about it.  It makes me.  

Where the line is drawn, and these select few cant discern the difference, is that I am not getting a free ride. Do I get a disability check the second Wednesday of every month? Yes.  Have I had more surgeries, more treatments, more needles, more days as an inpatient, more pain more emotional stress than most people you know will ever have in their life crammed into 2.5 short years? Yes. Do I have more of the aforementioned to look forward to? Yes. So because I can't provide for myself, the government helps me, minimally at that I might add, but it is help that I am appreciative for every month.  

What these few folks don't understand is that I would give everything I own, have owned, will own, my right arm - I would even go so far as to say I would work for free for the rest of my life if someone could snap their fingers and take what I have and make it disappear.   It enrages me that these people who think  that because I have my hair now, and Im able to walk around town and give the appearance of being normal - they too can just not have a job and let the government foot the bill. 

Why are these people like this?  While I'm not embarrassed that I have disability checks coming to me, its not something I'm proud of.  And it makes me sick to my stomach to know there are people out there, people I know of who would consider being on disability like hitting the lottery.   

It goes without saying I have wished every day since December 2, 2008 that I could go back to my job at The Beach.   I miss the job, I miss my coworkers, I miss the experience and I miss earning a real check.   I think I was very fortunate to be part of a small full time staff that despite the occasional bickering and panties getting in a twist - you knew two things by being a part of the full time staff... 1. You were trustworthy, and loyal and more importantly 2. You were part of a close knit family that cared about you not just for what you could do for the company, but cared about you as a person.  

So to those people who think getting a free ride from Uncle Sam is so grand, or those people who abuse their job by being so abusive and call in as much as you possibly can for some poor excuse, or especially those that constantly talk about how they can't wait to quit their job because they have it so rough, and can do so much better... (to the latter, i say - if you could have you would have by now) ... But to all of them I say:

Quit acting like an entitled idiot and be an adult...

... and I'd like for you to meet Andrew

So I just returned home from a small retreat up to northern Ohio to see Kathy Griffin with my aunt Donna. I told her I was bringing Drew a few weeks ago when I was up visiting her the last time and she thought it would be a great idea to have him come to Cleveland.  I know Drew isn't much for long car rides, but being the trooper he is, he made the journey to Cleveland, and aside from a few trees here and there, the car ride doesn't offer many thrills. 


So to make it somewhat short - Donna met Drew.  The only negative thing, was we didn't have more time to spend with her, but both Donna and Drew are very open, social people so they just started talking as though they had known each other for years.   I know I've mentioned it before, but I've never brought any 'boyfriends' around my family and obviously that includes Donna, so this was the first time she had seen me with someone who was more than a friend.  Her non-reaction to us the entire time we were there made me feel so comfortable and welcome but above that, just normal.  (if that makes sense)  I didn't quite know what to expect from her (like if we were to hold hands and she would avert her eyes, or to kiss and she'd quickly look away... but no, none of that occurred. She saw it and gave an approving  little smile each time I caught her looking actually - maybe she's a voyeur???)  but it was clear we were just another couple in her eyes.


                                         

I have a proposition for you...

Tonights entry doesn't have anything really to do with health, hospitals or cancer (the masses shout YAY!!!), just about a few thoughts Ive had lately and felt like sharing.

I like to think a lot of things... I like to think that one day there will be world peace, I like to think that one day racism and bigotry will be looked back on as archaic ideas held in the minds of the uneducated, I like to think poverty and homelessness will one day be a thing of the past.  Then, there are things that I know.   I know, for instance the US will have a female president,  I know health care will be afforded to all some day, and I know that marriage will one day be defined as the union of two souls.   Herein lies tonight topic... 

I keep my political opinions to myself, as they are my opinions and Im entitled to them, and political debates rarely get anywhere but primetime television, interrupting my Big Brother, or Survivor episode thus ruining my bag of freshly microwaved Orville Reddenbacher popcorn - BTW - anyone remember that crazy stove top popcorn in the aluminum pan, that stuff was a pyromaniacs dream come true!

I digress...

Im sure most of us saw that Proposition 8 was ruled unconstitutional several weeks ago in California.  Thats fantastic, yay, wee, yippee and so on and so forth.  Marriage, to me at least, has always been about love. I know that obviously there are those that subscribe to hating gay marriage because if a man can marry a man, then he can marry a cow, or if you can have one wife why cant you have 10?  Well, while I might not know the answer to the cow thing, you can sure ask the mormons about 10 wives because they've been doing it out that tabernacle for a while. Im actually convinced the entire soprano section of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir is married to one man - but thats just my thought.  

I know my thoughts are essentially no different than other people but the arguments as to why gay marriage is wrong almost always have to do with some type of scripture or the mention of Jesus.  Isn't that why we have the separation of church and state?   So that our lives aren't governed by religious organizations whose affiliates tend to carry multiple copies of the 'good book' on their person.  Why can't love be just that... love?  But since these people have to throw around Christ in the whole debate, the last time I checked, Christ wasn't the only religious figure on this big dirt ball floating out in space.  So if I'm not a christian does that mean the 'evidence' presented by these individuals is meaningless text by some old dude that lived 2000 years ago?  If Buddah says same sex marriage is okay does that trump Christ saying a "man shall not lay with another man"?

I guess what bothers me the most is that the people who vote against gay marriage are trying to control what I can do with my life.   My life is is just that, mine - it does not belong to you, or anyone else for that matter and I live in this little place called the 'land of the free'.  I don't feel so free when I'm told who I can and cannot marry.  It doesn't change the fact when Im ready to get married it will be because I am in love and committing myself to that person.

I do think its funny too when the religious folks come out and start preaching about how there can be no deviation from the word of god - well, I'm sorry, from the god that they subscribe to... not the other 40 deities or so around the earth.   But its clear, especially catholics, seem to forget that religious institutions evolve over time as everything does, be it hair trends, fashion, global temperatures, technology, vocabulary, social norms etc.  The fact is, without evolution we could very well have slavery, people wearing white whigs when they go into court, speaking in 'verse' and going to mass and having it said entirely in latin where the congregation was extremely distanced from the service and participated very minimally.  There was a time not too long ago when only the priest could handle the little Jesus cracker at communion because the non-clergy folks weren't worthy enough to place "Christ's body'

I think about weird situations sometimes and as Drew and I were driving home from Cleveland and I was thinking about this blog entry my heart kind of sank when I ran this little hypothetical scenario in my head:

         So here we are, 10 - 15 years down the road and Drew and I are still together, living happily ever after and gay marriage of course is still not legal, yet we are as committed to each other as humanly possible.   Lets say that my mom and dad for whatever reason are no longer with us and I need someone who I trust to make extremely difficult decisions about the future regarding the care I receive.  I would hope that person, would someday be the person I chose to spend my life with but sadly because he isn't my spouse he couldn't be involved in the decision making process, he might not even be allowed in my hospital room as he is not immediate family.  (I mean, really what hospital would do that?  I have no idea, but it could happen).

It just makes me sad to think with all the violence and negativity in the world today, people actually waste countless upon countless hours trying to ensure that people who are happy, and in love with someone else, who just happens to be of the same gender - cannot have that happiness and are effectively becoming a different classification of citizen, as in, one who is not entitled to marriage because they chose to love a person of the same sex.

 You don't have to approve of my lifestyle, you don't have to have anything to do with me you don't have to participate in it - because Im sure the thought of two people who are the same sex actually engaging in intercourse would just cause their eyes to fall out of the poor peoples heads its such an abomination and all... I really don't even think it should be up for debate, it should just be *BOOM* a law - Marriage is defined as a union between two souls but - since its not... Those who are so vehemently against gay marriage need to look at the love they have for their wife, their fiance', their girlfriend (if your morman all three at the same time) ... And just simply realize - that love can and does exist with people who are in a relationship with a person of the same gender.

The one comforting fact is no matter how long the debate over the legality of Gay Marriage goes, no one can take away the love that two people have for each other who are wanting to wed.  Love is universal regardless of your partners gender and regardless if it matches your own gender.   Im not saying Drew and I are running off to some state where same sex marriage is legal or even that we are madly in love because thats not the truth. But I do care about him and I have feelings for him and I know he feels the same for me and I thank God, the same one who says no gay marriage, that he brought us together - yup - that same god.  Thats what I think ... what do you think?

*disclaimer - I have had a REALLY long day, and I just had chemo the day before yesterday so Im super super tired, my pills are working over time and I was falling asleep multiple times throughout this blog - so if it doesnt make sense right now - Sorry, i'll proof read it and condense the repeated ramblings into shorter ones

Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to Dayton, where the local time is...

As sad as it is to say - my vacation has come to an end and I have had to come back to Ohio.  I just spent the past week in Las Vegas with my family as well as two friends from high school, and a couple friends from high school who live in Las Vegas now.   To say I had a fantastic time would be selling it short.  Did I do a whole lot?  Not particularly, but its more about the company I suppose, and just not being in Ohio that makes the whole trip worth while.

We stayed at Treasure Island, which for some reason is now only referred to as "ti"... but the hotel was beautiful, our room was freshly remodeled and the location was central to everything, including the Fashion Show Mall... I saw Mystere' while we were there which was probably my favorite Cirque show to date. 

I wish I had tons of stories to share, but sadly - all I did was relax, gamble a little bit and tan.

Drew picked my mom and I up from the airport on sunday night.  It was the first time she had met him, and  it was actually my idea for him to pick us up.  Since then he's actually met both my parents and spoken to them briefly.   With him meeting my parents it just reaffirmed the fact I want to tell them that he is more than a friend.  I think they can see that but don't want to ask and like I've said before (a) Im an adult and (b) I know they want me to be happy.  I can safely say after being with him for over two months that I trust him and I know our relationship is not one of those based totally around sex.  In fact it's quite the opposite.  We have our affection but its something that we haven't rushed into and to be honest, out of the few relationships I have had - this feels like the most adult, and most serious relationship I've had.  He makes me smile today as brightly as the day I met him and I think that says something.  

So my plan for now is to continue to bring him around my parents more and more  and then hopefully by my birthday they will know.   

Anyway - this was sort of a blabber on kind of post, I have other topics I was thinking of while I was in Vegas but those will have to wait until at least tomorrow evening.  

Starting with the topic of people who take advantage of others for selfish reasons...

Damaged Goods

I think to say we are all, on some level, a little self conscious is a fair statement. Be it weight issues, hair falling out, small chest, body hair, freckles, a wonky eye, jacked up teeth, being poor, etc. etc. The list goes on and on. For me, I always thought, when I was younger, that I was a bigger boy. Not necessarily 'fat', but stocky. I was on just about every sports team there was, including football, you don't want to be a twig playing football, but I was also... gay. Not that weight stigmas don't exist in the heterosexual community but I think when it comes to gay people, the weight issue for most, is exacerbated in all its superficiality. So when I was old enough to go to the bars or dance clubs I never had the courage to go up and talk to people, let alone get up and dance with someone, unless it was a girl. I was pretty shy when it came to dating, though had I thought up the idea to meet people by cooking them dinner via an ad they read on craigslist - I may have built up my courage at an earlier age.

Be that as it may, I did my somewhat fair share of dating when I was in high school and college, but quickly grew disenchanted with the superficiality that seemed to trail the gay scene. So I focused on work, and at the time, the color guards I was working with. They became so encompassing of my time I convinced myself I was too busy to have a relationship. Even though deep down it was something I was longing for. The funny thing is, when I started my last employ, I was giving what turned out to be pretty good advice to a friend who was in a relationship that was on a slow track to nowhere, when deep down I could see she had feelings for this friend she swore she didn't like in that capacity. She dumped slow poke and has been dating the friend ever since. Am I an oracle? I think so...

With all that being said, when I got sick the last thing on my mind was dating. Afterall, I was going to be lucky to even go home, so why would I want to try to find someone who I couldn't even go on a date with unless he wanted to come share a hot meal sponsored by the Grandview Hospital Cafe'(teria)...

Hello, Goodbye...

Am I ending my short lived blog?  Of course, not - its the only thing I consider work.

I recently stumbled across, through no fault of my own, a video blog on youtube.  Perhaps some of you have seen him, Davey Wavey.  I started watching one or two videos and found his commentary and outlook on things rather interesting, so I spent the next few days watching his blogs... Some of which made me laugh, some made me get a little misty eyed, and the of course others made me think.  I looked at this kid with all his introspective comments and said - "This guy is me".  He's 26, a marketing tool bag, thought provoking and of course... a big ole' homo.

So here I am watching this guy, who I don't know from a hole in the ground and he has a few friends pop in from time to time to be in his 'webisode' (if thats what you call it).  So as I watch these friends appear throughout the videos I started thinking about who I would have in my videos if I was ever to do that.  I started thinking of my close friends, Lauren and Megan... the closest.  But then I started thinking, for some reason, about all the other people I have, at one point or another, called a friend in my 26 years.

I used to think I didn't have many friends, then of course I had an introduction to Facebook and realized I have 313 friends.  (ytd)

Do you ever have those "I wonder what ever happened to 'so and so' from high school, or work or wherever"?  I find myself on facebook asking that a lot.  So as I started browsing through my friends list it was like taking a trip down memory lane.   Seeing someones name pop up on the list would trigger a memory that involved perhaps people who arent on the list.  From grade school, to youth sports, high school, band, winterguard, Kings Island, Cedar Point and teaching band all the way to the hospitals I've been at - I've made friends from all over that even though I don't keep in touch as much as I once did, those people bore some semblance on my life at one point - and Im thankful for that.


I obviously don't hide the fact I get chemo, or when Im in the hospital so I guess I only have myself to blame - but I think my initial dismissive attitude toward people who I hadn't spoken to in a long time, when they would send me facebook messages or emails or even call, was premature - at best.  What I realized was that these people know me, they cared about me at one point of my life when I was a wee bit healthier - and this note is just a reminder that they still care.

I think maybe the dismissiveness came from me just being angry internally about my situation and pulling an internal 'why me' type deal.  I try to not take a day for granted, because the truth is - it could be my last, but isn't that true for all of us?

So these notes I have tucked away in the deep recess of my facbeook or my iMail might just be worth sending a reply to.  Because the truth is, though we said goodbye once before, they had motivation to say 'hello' again, and for that - I am grateful.


So - who knew this blog about Davey Wavey would turn into me talking about old friends I hadn't seen in a while.  Its all about the 'spin' right?

Until next pill... I mean time...

Live it, be it & own it...

I used to be really shy and embarrassed about my body image, my interests and mostly my sexuality.  I wasn't brought up knowing that should I be gay, that was okay.  In fact, the gay lifestyle wasn't something really addressed in our household at all which made my parents discovery that I was gay all that more difficult.  I wasn't afforded the luxury a lot of people are in telling their parents when they are ready.  I used to actually think that I would never tell them, and they would just never find out.  Naive?  Absolutely.

My parents reaction was not positive, and it took a long time for things to even return to a fraction of the normal they were before they found out.   To make it quick - I, obviously, didn't "come out" in the traditional sense.  I had been dating a guy for a very short period of time and he had written me a, for lack of better term, love note.  In the note, he said that he enjoyed kissing me and that he hoped our relationship progressed further and signed it "love, Tommy".  Obviously no parent wants to hear their child is sexually active at 17 no matter what 'type' of sex it is.  But this note was neatly tucked away in my car which my mother proceeded to snoop around in and eventually discovered.  She confronted me with the note and demanded to know if "this" was what I wanted.  This meaning, this lifestyle.  My internal answer was 'yes', but I quiveringly blurted out 'i dont know'.  So after several family counseling sessions I essentially garnered up the courage to just say that, yes indeed this is the path I've chosen and it is what it is. The reaction, while not as gruff was simply "while we might not approve of your livestyle, we can learn to accept it". 

I have never told my parents of any of my relationships - ever.  I make it plural making it sound like there are so many to really talk about.  The truth is, while I wasn't embarrassed, it was more just like the elephant in the room that I'd rather not talk about to make them uncomfortable - even though at times I just wanted to be honest with them and introduce them to my friends, a few of which meant a little more than 'friend'. 

FASTFORWARD.... 

It's no secret that Andrew and I are seeing one another.  Im not embarrassed by it, in fact Im quite proud to be with him.  He is unapologetic for who he is, and the lifestyle he lives. We go out in public together, we hold hands, we hug and bump into each other.  We sit closely on a park bench and share ice cream, we lean on each other and even the occasional kiss.  Its not flaunting a lifestyle per se' its being so comfortable with who you are and the person you're with that despite the looks some may give.  Besides heterosexual couples do those things, so why can't I?

 Life certainly has dealt him a few bad hands though and through his own strengths he's been able to brush them off and keep moving on.  He's loyal to a fault and he is someone I look at and wish I could be more like, truth be told.   So he decided a few weeks ago that he wanted to see a guest speaker that was coming to his former church in Celina and asked if I would like to attend and if I would be interested in meeting his parents.  Of course I said yes.  So a few days before we were to travel north he met with his mom and dad at separate instances and posed the following statement/question.  "Mom/Dad,  you know that I've been dating someone for a while now, and Im really happy.  I was curious if you would be interested in meeting this someone ".  He seemed so self assured that his parents were going to be willing to meet me and that they would be, in essence, extending the olive branch to him accepting his lifestyle - as his coming out was not as enjoyable either.  Sadly, the response he received from his parents was not of acceptance, it was of declination and un-interest with a side of reaffirmation that his lifestyle was unacceptable.  Though his mothers excuse was that it was just too soon.   It goes without saying he was upset to say the least.  

Upon hearing this, I said to him simply - "give them time... they'll come around".  

For the longest time my parents thought that me being gay was probably the worst thing about me.  Not that D I landed in high school latin, or having a credit card bill sky high... yes, that I was gay.  It took me almost dying for them to realize that being gay is okay.  That there were worse things that could happen to me than dating a guy, and those worse things did happen to me and frankly still happen.  Being gay doesn't make me a second class citizen, and most importantly over time I think they realized that even though they had another label to equate with "Ryan" it was one that went right along side "funny, warm, son, caring, driven... etc." Just another part of me.  Its what had all along made me.  And I don't think that Drew's parents are to that point yet, but I have faith they will.  Because the truth is, those two people, who I did not get the pleasure of meeting this weekend, are behind the great guy I get to tightly hold in my arms.   They made him who he is and I wouldn't change one thing about him.   One day I'll meet them, and on that day I'll wear the same smile I wore when I met his sister and her children and offer them the same handshake and hug I offered his sister.  

Somewhere along the line I think being a 'free thinker' became a bad thing - and its not.   Just because some book says somewhere that two dudes shouldn't lay together doesn't negate that those two dudes laying together don't care for each other.  

I care about Drew, and I know he cares about me.  I trust him, and I know he trusts me. He accepts my flaws, and I accept his. But most importantly he makes me happy, and I know I make him happy.  

So despite what his parents say outloud, or even mine for that matter, their knowledge of his happiness has to make them on some level... happy... so own it!