Have you even been taken advantage of? I would assume most people, on some level have and most of us are in some way or another responsible for it happening. I think what hurts the most is when it comes from someone you really trust and they abuse the trust for personal gain. I have no one to blame for the fact any of this happened but myself.
The other night I was going through my iPhoto albums on my TV (thanks Lauren McMullen, I really enjoy it - i love seeing your face float by as my screen saver) and as Im going through my adventures from the summer that included Andrew I couldn't help but think how much money I had spent on these trips we had taken. Obviously it was my money and I was free to do with it what a pleased and I definitely did.
I don't know why I felt I needed to spend my money to make the relationship work. I could sit here and list every trip we went on, every excursion to The Beach, Kings Island, Cedar Point... anywhere. I paid for virtually all of it. As I sit here and think about everything I put into the relationship, like providing transportation literally everywhere, stupid love notes, overnight trips out of town. I look back and feel like I really went out on a limb to make things work, to ensure we had an active relationship. But I never understood though, why when he knew I lived at home under the watchful eye of my parents and family, knowing full well the reason, he only had me over to his residence a handful of times, and asked me to stay the night not once when previous relationships who had lasted a fraction of ours stayed over on a whim. My feelings were slightly hurt because I was putting so much into this... Finding new things for us to do, figuring out how I could manage to scrounge the money together to make these fantastic experiences happen.
I'm surprised I continued to see him after, early in our relationship, his phone was getting many texts and essentially vibrated right off the TV top in our hotel room and popped open to a message from someone saying what a fun time they had meeting him last several nights prior and they should definitely do it again sometime. I never told him I saw that, because I dismissively thought it was nothing more that perhaps two friends reuniting. Could it have been more though, I suppose.
But what really, really upset me, and showed me how little care there was for me, was when on my birthday I didn't even get a card. I don't want a 5 dollar Hallmark card, I don't want the 99 cent card, you could take a simple piece of paper and fold it in half to make a card to show you cared and really meant what you were saying. It might have made the conversation we had that night actually mean a little more, but it was clearly too much work.
In closing - look at the relationship you yourself are in now. Is it a fair, balanced relationship? Are both parties participating equally? I didn't do everything, nor do I even profess to have. But being in a caring relationship is making sure both parties are cared for in all aspects of their lives equally.
Im blessed to have that now. Blessed to have someone who puts me ahead of him. Like I said before, I wouldn't change the events of the summer, because it lead me to where I am today. And though I am at a point in my life where I don't waste my time on holding ill feelings, I do get sad to see a person I thought I knew and did so much for become simply... mean.
Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly...
The other night I was going through my iPhoto albums on my TV (thanks Lauren McMullen, I really enjoy it - i love seeing your face float by as my screen saver) and as Im going through my adventures from the summer that included Andrew I couldn't help but think how much money I had spent on these trips we had taken. Obviously it was my money and I was free to do with it what a pleased and I definitely did.
I don't know why I felt I needed to spend my money to make the relationship work. I could sit here and list every trip we went on, every excursion to The Beach, Kings Island, Cedar Point... anywhere. I paid for virtually all of it. As I sit here and think about everything I put into the relationship, like providing transportation literally everywhere, stupid love notes, overnight trips out of town. I look back and feel like I really went out on a limb to make things work, to ensure we had an active relationship. But I never understood though, why when he knew I lived at home under the watchful eye of my parents and family, knowing full well the reason, he only had me over to his residence a handful of times, and asked me to stay the night not once when previous relationships who had lasted a fraction of ours stayed over on a whim. My feelings were slightly hurt because I was putting so much into this... Finding new things for us to do, figuring out how I could manage to scrounge the money together to make these fantastic experiences happen.
I'm surprised I continued to see him after, early in our relationship, his phone was getting many texts and essentially vibrated right off the TV top in our hotel room and popped open to a message from someone saying what a fun time they had meeting him last several nights prior and they should definitely do it again sometime. I never told him I saw that, because I dismissively thought it was nothing more that perhaps two friends reuniting. Could it have been more though, I suppose.
But what really, really upset me, and showed me how little care there was for me, was when on my birthday I didn't even get a card. I don't want a 5 dollar Hallmark card, I don't want the 99 cent card, you could take a simple piece of paper and fold it in half to make a card to show you cared and really meant what you were saying. It might have made the conversation we had that night actually mean a little more, but it was clearly too much work.
In closing - look at the relationship you yourself are in now. Is it a fair, balanced relationship? Are both parties participating equally? I didn't do everything, nor do I even profess to have. But being in a caring relationship is making sure both parties are cared for in all aspects of their lives equally.
Im blessed to have that now. Blessed to have someone who puts me ahead of him. Like I said before, I wouldn't change the events of the summer, because it lead me to where I am today. And though I am at a point in my life where I don't waste my time on holding ill feelings, I do get sad to see a person I thought I knew and did so much for become simply... mean.
Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly...
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