Take my hand...

Here we are, in 2011.  Another year gone by, more life lessons learned, more journeys have been traveled, more growing as a person.  I finally made the choice to no longer be a spectator to life and decide, in spite having health problems, I was not going to be alone.  I had been envious of my friends for so long, watching them have relationships blossom to much more.  I finally realized I was capable of having an adult relationship and, while I might have to look long and hard, there would be a person who would see me for me. 

To my surprise I thought I found that person over the summer.  Unfortunately as time progressed I allowed the relationship to continue because I was afraid of being alone, despite our commonalities being virtually non-existant.  In this instance, opposites did not attract. 

Then one day, without warning, this person comes waltzing into my life.  Offering his friendship and conversation we quickly developed this rapport with each other that I still didn't have with a person I had spent months with.  This person spoke to me, interested in what I had to say, wanting to know my interests, my likes and hobbies, etc.  He showed a genuine interest in me which I hadn't really had experience with, it was usually the reverse.   I actually felt strange at first because I had not been asked detailed questions about myself in so long I had to stop and think about the answers.  It was almost as though I was getting to know myself again. 

This person opened his heart to me, and in doing so, I opened myself to him, sharing with him the battles I had fought and in truth was still fighting, shared the journeys of how far I had come and my remarkable recovery.   Through an amount of tears I can only describe as 'a boat load'  we had a conversation that lasted hours bringing us closer than I had felt with any other person. 

We shared so much in common, and wanted so many of the same things out of life, our priorities were both similar.  And for the first time I felt as though he was more interested in putting my well being ahead of his own.  He is, without question, selfless. 

Days and nights of deep conversations went by.   Stories of pain and heartache filled the conversation as did stories of stupid mistakes and stories of the best of times which caused an eruption of laughter.  I was getting to know this person at what seemed like light speed.   All I could think from the beginning was, I feel like I've known him all my life. 

Im definitely not an impulsive person when it comes to jumping to relationships without knowing and trusting the person.  

I can't tell you why, I have no explanation, I have no reasons or rationale - but I knew early on this was a person I wanted to be with in a close personal way, I wanted to take his hand, and let him know I'd stand by him in the good times and in bad, as he had promised he would do for me.  I had already found myself caring deeply for him and feeling for him with regards to his own personal strife and sorrow.  I wanted him to know I only wanted to love him, and bring him happiness.  I wanted him to be able to trust again, without reservation.   I couldn't offer him a ton of money, in fact I could only offer him my heart at this point.  I could promise him there were more bad days ahead for me and I couldn't tell him when they would arrive.  Even knowing that, he told me I was what he had been in search of for so long. 

So this whirlwind journey we've been on has been a joy for me.  Im closer to him now than I have been with anyone I had ever been with.  He has proven to be a man of his word countless times already, by putting me first, worrying about my well being.  Accompanying me to treatment sessions, sitting there next to me, offering to hold my hand giving me the reassurance that one day I would be done with this fight. 

 I've chose to close a door in my life, one that I left open for too long to then have this new door swing wide open.  It's amazing how things work and when opportunities present themselves.  

You never know when you'll find the person of your dreams, the person who you spend a night just gazing into their eyes, the person whose hand fits in yours so perfectly.  The person who not only listens to your story, asks to hear more.  The person who loves you for you - be it your outward appearance, your sense of humor, your fragile emotions, your flaws or your insecurities.  The person chooses to take your hand, and stand by you and it's almost as though you can feel that persons love flow from their hand into yours. 

At first I was nervous to say I had these feelings because I thought some might think I was being naive.  I know me, and I know my emotions. I know what I feel today is something I've never felt before, and it's a trust I've never had before.  I wished for this person for a long time, and after I got sick I thought my wish would go unanswered.  I knew early on Andrew was not the answer to my wish, I know now I have found the answer to my wish. 

So here I am, in love with this person and this person is in love with me.  Im not a spectator in life anymore, Im happily an active participant.  Im sure I'll talk about this person in future blog posts, but I do have 4 or 5 posts i've been working on that I really need to finish sometime soon because I get annoyed always seeing 'draft' pop up.  So I wanted to introduce you to this person I love.    So here you go, I'd like to introduce you to my boyfriend... 

Greg