I read it once, read it twice, I'll be honest and just say I read it countless times. Thoughts running through my head, one after the other. I did not know what my reaction would be, though at first it was anger, it transitioned into sorrow and sadness for this person.
I keep the severity of my illness rather private. Few people have seen me at my worse. So when I trust you enough to show you the images of myself near death, looking my most fragile, consider yourself one of my trusted few. I think of a friend, Jenny Alm, who has watched her son who is not even 7 years old have to battle chemotherapy and watch her baby be destroyed and ravaged by this treatment. I think of her pain, her sons pain, and it breaks my heart. How could it not? Then to read Cancer is so overrated? Jenny has devoted the last 3-4 years of her life, as I have, to fighting nonstop - being the rock for her son. And then to be told - youre story is nothing more than a trivial sob story? How absolutely deplorable. Maybe when this person comes down with cancer, he'll realize how serious it is. The truth is, people like that generally don't realize how great they have it until its all taken away overnight.
What disappoints me the most, is he knows my story, he knows the pain I went through, the pain my family went through the pain my friends went through. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, how close to death I had been multiple times. He knew it was hard for me to look at the images from those times and yet with all this knowledge and understanding he allegedly had - he negates my experiences to something trivial and unimportant.
I thought I would be mad but in essence Im just sad for him. I see who he really is. Sad and alone. Mad at me for ending a relationship I wasn't interested in because we were two people going two different places in life. I have always desired to get back to my job, a real job and he was essentially content in his entry level job which is fine for him, but not what I wanted. Consuming your life with things which don't matter at all is nothing more to me than a waste of time. Did you ever stop to think... Who cares about pop music so much that you spend hours and hours a day researching their stores, stalking them online to get all the "details"behind them. Researching movies years before they come to fruition and letting your life encompass them rather than trying to better yourself and further your education and career opportunities?
We each have our own paths to follow in life and mine differed from his. Complacency for dead end careers was something I didn't want. Financial irresponsibility is something, at my age, I couldn't get into. I needed an adult, someone who wasn't paycheck to paycheck. I tried to be a good person and spare his feelings to ensure he wasn't hurt and would be able to continue on while minimizing the hurt.
Now, as I sit and scroll through posts on twitter, facebook etc... I see he is full of hate and anger, but most of all, he is full of immaturity. I am angry that he made the comment about cancer, I won't lie but the disappointment is overwhelming. I pity him, and I feel sorry for him because I know other people fighting their own battles will see his comment and their reactions might not be as mature as mine.
He wakes up spending time being angry about how life has dealt him a bad hand, making mean generalizations about others and taking advantage of people for what they can do for him. This isn't a way to live your life.I take pride knowing I've grown as a person from my journey and despite what you may think - I would not change what I've gone through because it has helped me grow and mature into the person I am today. He has a long way to go, maybe someday he will get his life into order, but that day isn't for a while.
I wake up every day, grateful to be here, able to have one more day. I am so thankful to be loved by my family, my friends and my boyfriend. While I might not have all the money in the world, I have what I need to get by, and Im so wealthy when it comes to love. I can say, due to my journey, I've never been loved as strongly, and I've never been able to love this strongly. Im happier today than I have been in such a long time, and have so much to be grateful for...
So in closing, despite reading these hateful words of 'cancer is so overrated' and getting upset, I realized i couldn't waste time being upset when I have so much to look at today and be thankful for. So if someone says something to you today thats upsetting, or stirs up some anger inside your soul - stop for a moment and ask yourself... Is it really worth getting upset about and being in a bad mood? You are so fortunate and have so much to be thankful for - why not choose to celebrate that instead?
"Maturity is the ability to bear an injustice without wanting to get even,
but wanting to fogive"
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