Dancing in the Rain...

At the advice of a friend on Facebook, I decided that I would give this blogging concept a whirl.

For those of you who may stumble across my writings, or at most times ramblings, who don't know me, let me introduce myself to you. My name is Ryan Aubin, I am 26 years old and reside in Dayton, OH. I was raised in a middle class, catholic family whose parents have somewhat conservative views with the occasional liberal hiccup. At a younger age I was heavily into sports, be it baseball, football, basketball or track, my life was fairly consumed with athletic activity yet that stopped in high school when I devoted my time exclusively to music. I had been playing the piano since age 5, and picked up the trumpet early in grade school. Music was always my truest passion and I devoted most of my energy to that arena. Music has taken me places I never thought I would have the opportunity to go, and given me the ability to have experiences I thought were not possible for someone from Dayton, OH to have. Somewhat cliche' I know. I went to Wright State University and majored in Marketing / Advertising with a minor in English. How can you advertise if you can't spell and know the difference between to, too and two, or they're their and there.

My father is retired from the State of Ohio Department of Transportation and currently works as a Radiology Tech at a local hospital and my mother is a Doctor of Nursing Practice. Shes gone from clinical manager to seeing patients in the ER to now teaching and moonlighting in an after hours clinic for a large practice in Dayton. I have one sister who is younger than I am, Jamie, an art major at Wright State as well, she will graduate this winter. I think at times she is lost and perhaps looking for her way. Lastly, I have a dog, Bruno. He is a 10 month old Yellow Lab with a lot of spunk and two pesky little nuts that need be chopped off post haste.

I enjoy the outdoors, I grew up at Lake Cumberland tubing, skiing, wakeboarding. I enjoy traveling and amusement parks, mainly just for the little adrenaline rushes they provide. I don't like scary movies, I do like to read virtually anything as long as its not some self help crap. Help me help you by not making me read your prophetic words of wisdom you wrote while probably higher than a kite. I don't know if I would say I am a picky eater, but I am fairly plain in what I like. I don't usually venture off the beaten path too often.

I feel extremely fortunate to have the friends I do. Plentiful? Hardly. But its about quality not quantity right? Except when it comes to dollar bills, I'll take a thousand scuzzy dollar bills over one crisp one any day. I think, if i really thought hard about it, I have about 5 close friends, 3 of which live close to me. As far as my relationship status goes, I have been dating a guy who is a couple years younger than I am, Drew, for a month now. I think he's pretty special.

I have cancer.

I'm not "A" cancer, I'm actually a Libra but thats neither here nor there. I was diagnosed on December 2, 2008. Its strange because a lot of people Ive talked to can remember the exact date they were diagnosed, although I can totally understand why, it's a fairly earth shattering day in your life to not remember. The cancer I have is in my lungs right now and is relatively contained yet it fills those lungs with what seems like countless tumors. You never realize how important those puppies are until they aren't working right. Not being able to catch your breath without the aid of a machine can be a terrorizing thought. The name of the cancer isn't important, just the what and the where.

I had thought about blogging for a while, before actually taking Alex's advice and starting this but I thought I really wouldn't have anything to write about. The strange thing is, the more I thought about I do have things to say and I would like to share my experiences and thoughts about what has happened over the past few years.

The only thing that has managed to keep me sane through all this turmoil, has been the ability to laugh at what is going on. I have had so many people tell me, including many of my doctors, 'Ryan, you're one of the most upbeat patients I've ever had given all you've been through'. And my thought is this... We all have a finite time on this earth, and we do what we do, and make of it what we will. I happen to know my time could potentially be shorter than most, so why then would I sit in a corner and boo-hoo it and have a pity party for myself? I find pity and other self deprecating behaviors to be not only a ploy for attention, but a waste of time. Instead I laugh and do what I can while I still can because you never know when you won't be able to.

Dancing in the Rain??? Strange title perhaps, the only time I personally would dance in the Rain is if it were raining men, but thats me. I really racked my brain trying to think of a name for this blog, Alex has a cute name for his blog (which Alex, I really do enjoy your blog, its going to make a great movie one day). But I didn't want to be that typical "screw you cancer"or "stickin it to cancer" or even better "keeping up the fight"... Just too typical and mundane. Then I remembered this poem I read at The James... (The James is short for The Arthur G. James Cancer Hospital at The Ohio State University Medical Center) and ever since I read it, it stuck with me, and its on my facebook and sometimes my status so I figure why not. The poem isn't super long, but it definitely relates to my relationship I've had with cancer so to close out this first blog I'll leave you with it...

There once was a woman who woke up one morning,
looked in the mirror,
and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.
'Well', she said, 'I think I'll braid my hair today.'

So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had
only two hairs on her head.
'H-M-M', she said, 'I think I'll part my hair down the middle today'.

So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she
had only one hair on her head.
'Well' she said, ' today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail.'

So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there
wasn't a single hair on her head.
'YAY'! she exclaimed.

'I dont have to fix my hair today!'

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Love simply, Love generously, Care deeply, speak kindly

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...

Its about learning to dance in the rain.