Ryan and Lauren

Its 1:30 am Saturday morning and as I type this the Navigator of the Seas is sailing at 21.8 knots, or about 25 miles per hour, northbound towards Port Everglades in Fort Lauderdale, our port of disembarkation.   Sadly my cruise with Lauren has almost come to a close, though we still have plenty of relaxation time to make use of at the airport tomorrow.   The feeling of stepping of this cruise ship which has been our home for the past 6 days is without doubt bittersweet.  I’m drawn back to thinking about all the adventures the two of us have made together be it across the country, out of the country, or just a simple trip to Lake Cumberland.  Its hard for me to acknowledge this vacation will probably be our last ‘big’ solo trip together.  Times have changed, and like all my friends, they have changed with the times.  I always wanted the opportunity to take just one more journey with Lauren, I didn’t care where, I just wanted it to be like it was, like those trips of times faded into the past.  A distant memory I wanted to rekindle just one more time was what I was asking for and I can both thankfully, and gratefully say I can place a big checkmark next to this item on my bucket list. 

As much as this trip was for me, and believe me I was definitely a driving force behind it, it was for Lauren too, but not for those trivial reasons like getting away from work, and escaping the normalcy of day to day life.  I wanted her to be able to have a journey with me at least one more time, post diagnosis, that she herself could look back on, flip through photos and hold a souveneir and remember how healthy I was and how despite being sick, and going through all the rough times, and especially the terrible times, we were still able to go out and be ‘Ryan & Lauren” again, just once more.  I never know how much time I have left, I guess no one does, but I did know I was able to take this trip as the duo we used to be, and she would have had an equally good time.  So tomorrow we go back to being our boyfriends others and that’s okay.  I got what I wanted and it was worth every second. 

I’ve tried for the past 3 years to figure a way to show her my gratitude for the support she and her family have shown me and my family, and until a few months ago I thought it would be in monetary gifts when in reality I realized I needed to create new memories, more than the old stories we shared together, that she can look back on and remember when I’m not around.

We don’t see each other as much as we should, but as I said, life changes for all of us and I understand that.  Having time with her alone, away from the outside world and all its’ technological grasps and the people from home was priceless.    As much as it makes me sad I have to say goodbye to this uninterrupted time with her, I am grateful we had it to share together and I will smile fondly on the memories from this trip where our tablemates at dinner even referred to us as ‘Ryan and Lauren’  (which made it all worth while). 

“ Don’t cry because it’s over – Smile because it happened… “   Dr. Suess

Up Up & Away!!!

As I sit here and write this I am onboard a flight, 30,000 feet in the air, to Fort Lauderdale, Florida accompanied by my best friend, Lauren.  To me this trip seems almost surreal in a way because I never thought it was going to come to fruition.  It felt, almost, as though it were simply a pipe dream – something to sit around the house and fantasize about.

Five years ago Lauren and I started this somewhat expensive tradition of traveling.  I’ve long been a fan of spending ones’ money while one has it because you can’t take it with you when you are gone.  This mantra evolved into countless adventures across the US and abroad with my, among many other titles, travel buddy.

We’ve gone to Mexico and ventured off to Orlando a few times and even throw in a Vegas trip to name a few.  Traveling with her was becoming almost as dependable as our outrageous Christmas gifts for each other.   It was a tradition I didn’t foresee ending anytime in the near future. 

Then December of 2008 rolled around and my life changed dramatically.  Traveling to and from the living room without losing my breath became the priority.  Traveling anywhere outside the home was virtually impossible and the mere thought of that type of travel would simply exhaust me. 

It became my goal shortly thereafter to one day be healthy enough to escape my mothers careful eye and go on at least one more vacation with my travel buddy.  I’ve had more ups and downs than an airplane in the past two years, and at times it seems like a constant row of downs without end in sight.   Then somehow I ended up at the end of 2010, relatively healthy, fatter than I have been in 2 years, and wanting desperately to put a check mark next to this item on my ‘bucket list’. 

It’s no secret booking travel with me can be somewhat of a daunting task.  Obviously the thought of ‘what if something happens’ crosses everyone’s mind, fear not, Lauren is consummate professional and is fully prepared to brief any medical personnel on my complete medical history and full list of medications should the situation arise and I not be able to.  Then of course there is the travel insurance one would be stupid to not buy (though this time, I didn’t…).  Additionally, even though I feel good – I still get fatigued relatively easily and out of breath at times.

So here we are, travel booked and on our way.  I couldn’t be more excited because this is a day I really didn’t know would come.  There aren’t any mixed emotions with this blog entry, no wishy washy feelings… I’m so excited to be able to embark on this trip.  I know Lauren needs it desperately, and for every but she needs it – I have wanted it, as a personal goal for myself. 

Sitting here, staring out the window, I’m reminded… even though my life might have changed, it is still worth living.  It is in moments like this I am glad I have continued my fight even when the insurmountable odds were stacked against me. 

All of this is just a friendly reminder that life has changed...

So, without further adieu, Bon Voyage… Im Up Up and Away!!!