Do you have one?
Why are they your friend?
Has your friendship ever been put to the test?
Its funny to think about many years ago in high school and even grade school for that matter, how the volume of friends you had determined your popularity. As someone who did not have, what I would consider, tons of friends I have always valued the ones I've had. In truth the closest friends, with the exception of one, are friends I have gone to school my entire life with. There are a few years separating us but only one or two but it is irrelevant, we are great friends.
I have been so lucky in my friendships, because the bond that is shared is not just that of myself and the friend but all of us, we are all a tight group of friends. These are the people who I love with my heart and trust to the end of the world. They have proven themselves to me so many times I cannot count.
I have, for years, listened to fellow co-workers, students, acquaintances etc. talk about friendships and how they have either become embattled in a fight with a friend over something, or have decided that their friendship with said person is no longer worthy of their time any longer. Its a scene that is reflected on so many programs on television I am starting to think I am a member of a dying breed. A breed of people who has a group of friends and the 'bff' who don't fight.
I know my friends will always support me. They will hold my hand when I hurt, they will wipe the tears from my eyes when I cry. They answer the phone in the middle of the night to listen to me because regardless, what I've called about is important so it is important to them. They never put themselves first, always the other person. I can say, without a shadow of doubt, my best and closest friends have never taken advantage of me. They respect me without question and love me unconditionally. And all that is reciprocated, which is why our relationships work so well.
I've never been used by these persons and they certainly have never treated me as though they were superior to me, or that whatever hurdles they were struggling with at the moment were any more important than what I was going through. And again, our relationship works because these common threads are reciprocated. There is a love and understanding that we are equal to each other and would never dream of taking advantage of one of the others.
Life throws us some curveballs at times, and in 2008 I got a big one thrown my way. Outside of my parents the hurt my friends went through during my hospital stays was something I will never fully understand or appreciate. I don't particularly like to dwell on what happened during my first visit to The James but I know, deep down in my heart my friends, had they not already, were preparing to say goodbye to me.... I don't know what that feels like, and I hope and I pray I never do, but it is not something I ever would intentionally have wanted them to have to do.
I had a lot of time to think about that, and let all that hurt from other people sink in and I can tell you I had many restless nights and tear stained pillows just thinking about them. In fact, the entire time I was sedated, and I've told this to her before so it should come as no surprise, the only thing I remember from that entire experience is a mental image of my friend Emily standing over me crying. That mental image is something I don't think I'll be able to forget in my lifetime, and I don't think I should either, because that snapshot in time really summarizes the relationship that I have with not only her but all of my closest friends. When someone you care about is in pain and has an uncertain future, its painful and this clearly was. We aren't just friends, we are family and we love each other.
I can never repay them for their kindness, their support and their unconditional love... The only thing I could do was fight as hard as I could to become the person I was before the disease and treatments ravaged my body so that we could go back to being normal, to prove to them I loved them so much I would do whatever it took to be here with them for as long as possible, and I did.
I challenge you the reader to reflect on your friends and the relationships you have with them. What would they do for you? What would you do for them? Im fortunate enough to know my group is second to none, we would do anything, and I mean anything for one another and thats what makes them family.
Theres a difference between friendship and a codependency on someone. A person who puts themselves ahead of you, and their problems ahead of you is not truly your friend. A person who takes advantage of your kindness and generosity for their own personal gain, not a friend. A person who treats you not as an equal but as a less than, even if by just a few simple actions - is not a friend. A person who monopolizes your "you" time for their own agenda, not a friend.
A person who calls you and the first thing they say to you is 'tell me about your day' ... putting you first, is a friend!
I am not a religious person (though being raised catholic and 12 years of catholic school would seem to dictate otherwise), but I am truly a blessed man to have my friends in my life...
Based on the experiences I have had in my wonderful life and been so fortunate to share with my friends - here is the definition I use for my closest friends...
... family...
Until next time...
