Wishes do come true!

So I must preface this entry by saying, I have been a bad blog buddy by not posting my birthday entry sooner, but alas 16 days late is better than never, no?


So here we go...

I celebrated my 28th birthday a few weeks ago on October 1st by going to Cleveland to visit my moms best friend, and someone I consider a second mother, Donna.   The days leading up to my birthday I was excited because I had finally made arrangements to skydive, in Cleveland, though Lauren wasn't too happy with this idea (nor was her mother), I assured her it was totally safe and people barely ever die skydiving!Sadly, the weather would not cooperate and my trip straight down at 120 miles per hour from 12,500 feet was cancelled.  All was not lost, several shopping stops later and I had a nice new fall wardrobe picked out and even better, was able to spend some quality time without distractions with both Donna and Lauren.  


It was hard for me, on this birthday, to not think back to three years ago when I was getting ready to celebrate my 25th birthday.  I never ever could have imagined that year 25 would fundamentally, at the root, change how I lived, what I perceived as value, and what was important to me.   I remember at age 25 knowing something was wrong with me, and being so terrified to find out what 'it' was.  I remember celebrating year 25, and thinking this will be my last birthday.  In all honesty, and in a completely non-morbid way, I never thought I would see the day I was 28 years old. 


How lucky am I?



You might think I'm crazy for thinking that, given everything going on in my life, why would lucky be the word I choose?   Im lucky because in spite of having to put my body through hell, and put my family and closest friends through a suffering I will never come close to comprehending - I have, over the last three years, understood what it means to be grateful, to be appreciative and thankful. More importantly because of those family and friends I now know, without a shadow of doubt what it means to truly love and what it means to be loved.  Because I have that understanding, I no longer have to worry about being alone or forgotten.  I've finally made the realization that I don't necessarily "need" a boyfriend or partner (whatever you want to call it) to cure my fear of being alone. I have learned that physical things are not what is important in life, its the experiences you share with people, how you positively affect them and their lives and overall help someone become a better person by knowing you that will have the lasting impact.   Im lucky because I've been able to spend three years waking up everyday grateful to be alive and be fully aware that life is not an entitlement, its a gift, a gift that can be taken away at a moments notice.  I understand my own mortality, and that understanding allows me to value and more importantly, appreciate "life".  Im lucky because I have an amazing quality of life, and realize there are so many people who have suffered considerably more than I ever will.  Im lucky because I have had three years to strengthen and solidify the relationships that mean the most to me.  

I explained to someone recently who seemed perplexed as to how I can remain so positive given how the odds are seemingly stacked against me.   In so many words I said to this person - You know, the one thing that can ever truly make me 'sad' is thinking about the people who have stood by my side and cried because of me.  Its one thing to hurt yourself but its an entirely different can of worms when you are inadvertently hurting the ones you love most.  I told myself I would live the best life I could until the last breath comes out of me so that when and if the time comes for one of these closest friends or family to reflect back on my life, they will know I was happy and did everything I could to lead the most positive, and active life I could.  Essentially, I would not let their tears be in vain.


Lastly, as with last year, Im lucky to be surrounded by people who care about me.  From my family, my best and closest friends, to my physicians and caregivers all the way to Bruno and has obnoxious tail and huge slobbery tongue...


Three years ago I wished to see my 28th birthday and be able to celebrate, with the people I care about, the person I knew I was destined to become, not a person of great wealth, or celebrity, but simply a good person and that wish came true a few weeks ago...


and for that, I am lucky...