The countdown is on...

Holy smokes... I don't write on my blog as much as I used to, but perhaps that will change now that summer has officially ended.   Ultimately when I think of the reason I started writing the blog, it was to document my experiences with my illness, note the trials and tribulations that come with it and show that despite having a seemingly unending string of bad news come at you, life does go on. 

So here I am, October 2, 2012, at 29 years of age.  If you would have told me, 4 years ago today, that I'd be laying in my bed, listening to my dog snore and rain drops crash against the roof while taking clear deep breaths through a set of lungs that repeatedly failed me, with a full head of hair no less,  I would not have believed you.  

I've never truly had a surreal feeling until this birthday.  This is the first birthday I have had without being on chemotherapy and when I think back to some of the things I've gone through I find myself asking 'did that really happen to me'?  I occasionally will forget how far I've come.  Why?  I don't know.  

I find myself still very realistic about what my future holds, but in the same breath, cautiously optimistic.   I've said before that I have lived more in the past 4 years than I did the 25 before it and I still find that statement to be true.  

I never thought I would see 29 years of age, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I'm thrilled to experience it.  

Year 29 is going to be so wonderful to me, I can already tell.   I get to participate in two of my very best friends weddings,  I get to look forward to another holiday season in a few months, Im excited to watch my body transform back into what it used to be (aka, get my muscles back), I get to look forward to another whole summer of fun lake memories concluding with Lake-Cumberland-Houseboat-extravaganza 2013 - and so much more.  

October 1, 2012 was a reminder to me, of all the people I have in my life who have loved me and cared about me through the happy times and especially the scary.  

I know I've mentioned previously that I have a few irrational fears, things that people might consider silly, and I think today would be a good time to share one of them and why it's so irrational... 


Within a day or two of getting my diagnosis, and having the severity of the situation settle in, I found myself laying in my hospital bed staying up at night fearing that when the time came, and my body finally let go to life, would anyone come to my funeral and who would carry my body to wherever I would end up.   No lie, this is something that truly bothered me for a very very long time.  However, today is the perfect example as to why I no longer stay up at night and ponder this question.  I was flooded with messages today wishing me a happy birthday.  These were the simplest messages that meant the world to me.  For someone who doesn't consider themselves to have a large base of friends, I sure do have a lot of people who care enough to wish me a happy birthday, and there is something to be said for that. 

So here is to year 29, because the countdown is on until year 30...